


And a Partridge in a Pear Tree

by ehvul_butterfly (summerbutterfly)



Series: The Best of Advent 2011 [8]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Humor, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-12
Updated: 2012-05-12
Packaged: 2017-11-05 04:57:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/402665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerbutterfly/pseuds/ehvul_butterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sanzo and Hakkai have a discussion regarding Goku's...appetite.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And a Partridge in a Pear Tree

**Author's Note:**

> A very late upload. Written for the 2011 Advent challenge. A follow-up to [ Sugared Plums](http://archiveofourown.org/works/342881).

Sanzo and Goku started stopping by for tea some time after the Lunar New Year. Which, maybe should have been slightly inconvenient, but Hakkai found he didn’t mind in the least. In fact, he took making sure he had a pot of tea on the stove each day when it started to get dark, because he knew that, shortly thereafter, the pair of them would arrive, bundled and snowy, on their way home from getting supplies.

Goku would always bound through first, a flurry of boots and mittens, followed by Sanzo, sedate and grouchy. And Hakkai would always serve tea in the same earthenware cups (Sanzo preferred earthenware to china) while Goku devoured snacks until he fell asleep by the fire. In the quiet that followed, Hakkai would chat with Sanzo about temple life, passing the idle hours until Goku woke, and the two would bundle up and return home, promising to come back to visit another day. 

Things went on like that for the better part of a month. 

Then, there was the day Sanzo came alone. 

“Where’s Goku?” Hakkai looked past Sanzo and out into the snowy street. “Is he not with you today?”

“He’s coming.” Sanzo stomped the snow off his boots. “I sent him to negotiate the price on our monthly order of bread for the temple.”

“You sent Goku to negotiate? Are you sure that’s a good idea?” 

“Yes.” Sanzo shrugged off his jacket and hung it by the door. “I needed to talk to you alone and arguing about food seemed like the best way to get him out of our hair.”

“Ah. I see.” Hakkai shut the door and went over to the stove. “What is it you need to discuss?” 

“Well, I suppose it’s kind of obvious, but we need to talk about Goku.”

Hakkai frowned. “Is Goku all right?” 

“Yes, but that’s part of the problem.”

“What do you mean?”

Sanzo made himself comfortable at the kitchen table. “Let’s see,” he said. “How do I put this delicately? Oh, I know. Goku is suddenly acting like your idiot roommate when you let him browse the adult book store.”

Hakkai arched an eyebrow. “Um,” he said. “Come again?”

“He’s acting like a dog in heat? Chasing everything that moves? Right before we left, I had to pull him off one of the novices. The poor kid was going to clean the main room and Goku just _pounced_.” 

“So you’re saying Goku is showing signs of being sexually attracted to men?”

“No. I’m saying Goku is showing signs of being sexually attracted to _everything_. Men, women, plants-- it doesn’t seem to matter as long as it has a life force. I thought he might be possessed by a fornication demon, but when I tried to spell it out of him, it only made things worse.” 

“How so?”

“How so? Try when I woke up this morning, he was in bed with me without his pajamas.”

Hakkai’s eyes widened. “Oh.” 

“Yeah, oh.” Sanzo pulled a cigarette from the pack under his robe. “This is a problem. A really _big_ problem.”

“Is it? I mean it’s normal for a boy his age to have feelings. Even if they are geared towards men.”

“Ok, I think living with the pervert has affected your judgment. He got into bed with me, Hakkai. _Naked_. Like he was expecting something.”

“Well, you are the closet person to him. Maybe he...” 

Sanzo slammed his fist down on the table. “Stop being deliberately obtuse and _listen_ to what I’m saying. Goku got into bed with me expecting to have sex. This _cannot_ happen.” 

“All right, all right,” Hakkai said. “Calm down. Have you tried asking him about it?”

“Goku spent the morning crawling all over me naked and you want to know if I _talked_ to him about it?”

“Well, to be fair, you did neglect to mention the crawling part.” 

“Oh. My bad,” Sanzo said, sounding anything but sorry. “There was crawling. Happy?”

Hakkai shook his head and grabbed an ashtray. “So you want to know what you should do about it,” he said. “Am I correct?” 

“I’m open to suggestions.” Sanzo lit up an exhaled a long plume of smoke. “I _have_ considered just pawning him off on your moronic boyfriend...” 

“Uh, no. That’s not going to happen.” 

“Why not?”

“Well, first of all, I don’t share. Secondly...”

Hakkai was interrupted by a snow-covered Goku barreling into the foyer, cheeks rosy red and eyes bright. 

“Hey guys,” he said. “Did I miss tea?”

Hakkai smiled. “No, we just sat down,” he said. “How was bargaining?”

“It was great! I got the baker down to sixteen yen a loaf!”

“Wow. Good for you, Goku.” Hakkai glanced at Sanzo who looked annoyed. “Are you hungry?”

“Well, yeah, but I’m always hungry. Why? Do you have something?” 

“Of course I have something.” Hakkai pushed back from the table. “How do fresh-baked rice crackers sound to you?”

“They sound awesome!” Wiggling out of his shoes, Goku bounded over to the table, taking the seat next to Sanzo and grinning widely. If anything, Sanzo only looked more annoyed, but he said nothing and just continued to smoke.

Hakkai decided it was safe to turn his back long enough to grab the crackers. Rummaging through the pantry, he pulled out an airtight container filled with thin, little discs and set it on the counter. 

Behind him, Goku struck up a conversation. 

“What’s wrong, Sanzo?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” Sanzo returned. 

“I mean you’ve got that pissy, stressed look on your face. Like you wanna smack somebody with your fan.” 

“I always wanna smack somebody with my fan. What took you so long with the negotiations?”

“Huh? Oh. Zhu was being difficult. He kept sayin’ we short-changed him last time, but I know we didn’t. We gave him exact change, I remember. Plus, you don’t make those kinds of mistakes.”

“Damn right I don’t.” Sanzo’s voice was gruff, but proud. “I did tip him, but that’s only because he delivered. Greedy bastard. I hope you held your own.” 

“I did.” Hakkai could practically see Goku puffing out his chest. “I did just like you told me. Keep cool and drive hard.”

Hakkai repressed a snicker at Goku’s choice of words as he returned to the table carrying a small plate. “Here we are,” he said. “Fresh baked rice crackers with just a hint of salt.” 

“Yay!” Goku grabbed a handful. “You make the best food, Hakkai. Oh, hey. Do you have any more of that purple stuff?” 

“Purple stuff?” Hakkai repeated. “What purple stuff, Goku?”

“The purple stuff from the bottom of the pantry. When I stopped by a couple days ago, Gojyo gave me a jar of it to take back to the temple. He said it was too sweet for you guys and that I might like it. I had some yesterday afternoon. It was so good, I wound up eating the whole thing!” 

Hakkai’s face went deathly pale. “Gojyo gave you something from the bottom of the pantry? _Gojyo_?” 

“Yeah. A jar. Why?”

“Because...I...um...” Hakkai cast a sidelong glance at Sanzo. “Sanzo, can I see you outside for a second?”

Sanzo glared. “Why?” 

“Because I just remembered something that I needed to tell you regarding what we were discussing earlier. _It’s important_.”

Sanzo sighed. “Fine,” he said. “Goku, stay here. Don’t break anything.”

“Why? Why can’t I hear what you guys are talking about?”

“Because it’s um...not anything you need to worry about,” Hakkai said hastily. “Come on Sanzo, it will only take a minute.” 

“I’m coming.” 

Chair legs scraped against the floor. Hakkai put on his best nondescript smile and a pair of boots and escorted Sanzo outside to the snowy porch.

When the door was safely closed, he turned to his friend. “I think I know why Goku was in your bed this morning,” he confessed. 

“Oh really?” Sanzo said. “Do tell.”

“Um, well. The jam that Gojyo gave him isn’t exactly...regular jam.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, see, over the summer I was making preserves and things got a little heated in the kitchen. Long story short, I think Gojyo and I accidentally turned canned fruit into aphrodisiacs with our um...rigorous lovemaking, and it seems that when the fruits are consumed, they severely affect the libido of the person doing the consuming.” 

Sanzo stared at Hakkai, gaze unreadable. “You’re telling me Gojyo _knowingly_ gave Goku sex plums?”

“Funny, that’s what Gojyo called them, too.”

“I don’t care what he called them, I’m asking if he deliberately made my stupid monkey horny!” 

“Um, it would appear that way, yes.” Hakkai gave a little laugh. “I suppose should be thankful, though, that it was just that and not something else.”

“Fuck thankful. I’m going to kill him. _Both_ of them.”

“Sanzo...”

But Sanzo wasn’t listening. He was turning for the door; shoulders rigid as he shoved it open and stormed in. Hakkai hurried after, ready to intercede on Goku’s behalf, but there was no need to worry as Sanzo stopped so suddenly that Hakkai almost ran into him. And Hakkai was about to ask what was wrong, but peering around Sanzo’s back gave him all the answers he needed.

Because there was Goku sitting on the floor, wrist deep in a jar of plums, gold eyes wide and dark with a hunger that had nothing to do with food.

“Oh,” Hakkai said. “Oh dear. That’s...not good.”

Sanzo was so angry his hands shook. “You have five seconds to fix this,” he said. “One...”

Hakkai turned and ran.


End file.
